I don't like you. In fact, I think it's fair to say I actively dislike you with every fiber of my being. It is high time we got a few things straight.

First of all, you don't get to tell me to do a goddamn thing ever. You can ask me to do something, and if I have time and you ask nicely, I might possibly consider doing it for you. But if you ever try to tell me what to do again, I'll shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be choking on my shoe buckles. I. Don't. Work. For. You. Hell, I don't even like working with you, you shiftless piece of excrement. Your work ethic is nonexistent, your grammar is atrocious, you lie more often than you blink, your breath smells like the floor of an abattoir (By the way, you have heard of toothpaste, yes? Because damn.) and your perfume could strip the paint off a car. (On a side note, about your perfume? You know, I like a bargain as much as the next person. I’ve been known to buy things in bulk in order to save a buck or two. But even I draw the line at buying perfume in bulk. Honey, if it comes in a gallon jug, just say no, mkay? Seriously.) Like I said, I don’t like you, and I’m certainly not going to put up with you trying to tell me what to do.

Second of all, when I’ve already told you no, don’t send one of your minions to try and tell me what to do. They are in even less of a position to do so than you are, you imbecile. Not only that, but hiding behind an intern is so pathetic and craven, I would have thought it beneath even you. Apparently, I was wrong.

Finally, when your assorted ploys don’t work, don’t you dare go behind my back to my boss and complain that I’m not doing my job and that I’m shirking my responsibility. Did you really think that would work, douchebag? Did you? Did you seriously believe that such a weasely and contemptible attack would be greeted with anything other than hostility? As obtuse as you are, even you have to be aware at least on some level that my boss hates you as much or more than I do. I wish I’d been there to see her hand you your ass. If I didn’t think you deserved every second of the tongue-lashing you received, I would almost feel sorry for you.

I sincerely hope you learned an important lesson from today’s adventures, jackass. Because, seriously? If you ever try any of that shit again, it’s on. It is more intensely on than anything has ever been on in the history of the world ever. I barely tolerated you before, but now I’m not putting up with even the slightest transgression. The gloves are off, bitch, watch your back.

With love,

Idiot-Milk

P.S. The word is “industrious,” not “industrial.” One more malapropism out of your mouth, you ignorant fuck waffle, and I’ll make you eat a dictionary.

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