"What do you want for dinner?"
"Eh, I don't know. Hamburgers?"
"Hamburgers? That could work. Do you think Ellen'd be down?"
"You could ask her. I'm pretty sure she's upstairs in her room."
*yelling*
"Ellen, do you want hamburgers for dinner?"
"mumblemumblemumblemumble"
"Did you understand that?"
"Not a word. I can't stand when she mumbles."
"I know, right? It's so rude. Although, to be fair, she might just have her door closed."
"There is that. Or maybe she's eating taffy."
"Taffy would definitely cause her to mumble. Of course, she shouldn't be trying to talk with her mouth full."
"True. Why don't you just go upstairs and see what she wants for dinner?"
"I could, sure, but what if she's naked? I mean, how awkward, right?"
"Naked? You think she's up there sitting in her room naked? Eating taffy?"
"She could be. It would explain the closed door."
"Also true. If she's eating taffy and talking to us through a closed door, it would definitely explain the mumbling."
"Unless..."
"Unless what?"
"Well, what if something is wrong, and that's why she's mumbling?"
"Wrong? Like what?"
"I don't know, but what if she had a stroke or something?"
"A stroke? Do you really think that's likely?"
"I don't know about likely, but it's definitely possible."
"Well, sure, but...a stroke?"
"I'm just saying that maybe that's why she's mumbling and she hasn't opened the door, because she can't, right? Since she's having, you know, a stroke?"
"Oooohhh. You know, you might be on to something. What do we do for her if she's had a stroke? Don't we need to stick a spoon in her mouth or something?"
"No, that's for seizures. And I don't think you're supposed to do that anymore."
"Oh. Well, could she be having a seizure?"
"Maybe, but I think she'd probably be making a hell of a lot more noise, flopping around and whatnot."
"True, true. How do we find out if she's had a stroke? I think we should probably go up there and see."
"Well, but she could still be naked, and who wants to walk in on that, right? Plus, I'm really quite comfortable here. I'd hate to run up there in a frenzy only to find that she is indeed just eating taffy naked."
"Good point. Why don't you try asking her and we'll go from there based on her answer."
*yelling*
"Ellen! Are you having a stroke?"
"MUMBLE mumblemumblemumbleMUMBLE!"
"I really have no idea what she's saying. I wish she'd learn to enunciate properly."
"Well, but dude, she might not be able to help it if she's having a stroke, especially if she was eating taffy when it happened."
"I guess you have a point, but still. Hey, though, you know what just occurred to me?"
"What?"
"If she is having a stroke, would she necessarily know it? I mean, don't you get all fucked up in the head or something and not know what's going on?"
"Shit, you're right. How do we figure it out?"
"I think there's a test or something? Something you can do yourself maybe?"
"A test? Like what kind of test?"
"I think you're supposed to hold your hands out in front of you---"
*yelling*
"Ellen! Hold your hands out in front of you---Now what?"
"Well, I don't know. That's all I remember."
"Hmm--- Ellen! Do your hands look all, you know, fucked up? Like you've had a stroke or something?---You know, honestly, I just don't know how accurate this test could be. I think we're missing something."
"Hmm."
"Oh hey! Isn't the test that four fs thing?"
"Four fs? LIke at fairs?"
"No, dude, that's 4H or whatever. The four fs is how you tell if someone is having a stroke. I think. Something like that, at any rate."
"Well, what is it?"
"It's like if you're fat, female, flatulent and over forty or something, you're having a stoke. Or maybe fair, female, forty and flatulent? Something like that?"
"We know she's female, and she is fair, though she's not fat or over forty, and I have no idea if she's flatulent."
"Ellen! This is very important...are you flatulent?!--Wait a minute, not everyone who is fat or fair or flatulent or female or forty is having a stroke. That doesn't make any sense."
"Maybe you have to be all those things?"
"Yeah, but still. I'm just saying that not every fat, farting female over forty is having a stroke. Although maybe it just means those people are more susceptible to strokes? I don't know. Either way it's not really much help to us now."
"Ooooohhh wait, wait, wait. You know what? That's the test for diabetes. Or gall stones. Something. But definitely not for a stroke. I don't think."
"I really don't think she should be eating taffy if she's diabetic. Maybe that's why she had a stroke!"
"Maybe, although the more I think about it, the more I'm sure the four fs test is for gall stones."
"Do gall stones cause strokes?"
"Yeah, I don't know. It's possible, I suppose."
*yelling*
"Ellen! Do you have gall stones?"
"That's still not going to tell us whether she had a stroke."
"Another excellent point. Well--"
*enter Ellen*
"What the fuck are you two screaming about?"
"Ellen! You're alive!"
"And not fucked up! Well. No more than usual, at any rate. So I take it you didn't have a stroke?"
"A stroke? What the shit?"
"Well, you were mumbling, and we weren't sure if you were eating taffy naked or having a stroke. We were concerned!"
"Taffy...? Naked...? I'm not even going to ask. I was talking to my Mom on the phone, you morons. I had my door closed so I could hear her, not that it helped with you jackasses screaming at me every two seconds."
"Oooooh. That totally makes sense.
"So glad to have that cleared up. Although I really don't appreciate your tone, I must say. We were concerned about your well being, Ellen!"
"But not enough to actually come up and check on me in case I actually had had a stroke or some other awful thing had happened?"
"Well, but, we were really comfortable."
"And you might have been naked eating taffy. By the way, I really don't think you should be eating taffy, what with the diabetes and all."
"Plus, I don't think it's very good for your gall stones either."
"..."
"Ellen? Ellen, where're you going? Ellen?"
"Well that was rude! She just walked out the door without saying a word. Sometimes I really don't understand her."
"I know, she's just so very odd sometimes."

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