Some of you creep along in your cars, driving at a snail's pace, scared shitless of going more than 15 miles an hour. Some of you drive along as if the roads are perfectly dry, speeding around corners and fishtailing all over, riding my bumper and making me think you're going to end up lodged in my tailpipe, braking suddenly and causing everyone else to skid and spin. It's like you've completely fucking forgotten how to drive in the snow. How is that possible?! It wasn't even a year ago that we had our last bad snow storm. And yet here you are, driving as if you've never seen snow on the road in your entire life ever. Fucking amazing.

You cancel meetings, you cancel outings, all because of the weather, dear GOD, the WEATHER! You flood the grocery store, buying up everything in sight as if you're stocking your larder in preparation for a three month siege. You tell everyone who'll listen about your harrowing commute, and how everyone is out to get you and the roads are so horrible, and surely they should have closed the office, because those roads are REALLY BAD, and how can they expect anyone to risk their lives for a silly job?!

And YOU, you weather people, with your dire warnings of hazardous road conditions, your nearly gleeful recitation of accidents and traffic jams, your smug predictions of continued accumulation, and your damn ominous hints of future declarations of snow emergencies being right around the corner...SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU'RE FEEDING THE HYSTERIA AND HELPING THE NITWITS WORK THEMSELVES UP INTO WORLD CLASS TIZZIES, AND I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT.

Everyone needs to calm the fuck DOWN already. It's just snow, and not very much snow at that. It's not the end of the world, it's not the blizzard of the century, it's just an inch and a half of stupid snow. We're going to get a hell of a lot more of it over the next few months, and these few small flakes will seem ridiculously small. So quit running around like ninnies, and REIN IT THE FUCK IN, PEOPLE. Jesus.

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